My Experience Only. YMMV.

Maybe Another Manic Monday

The great Abilify experiment continues. I’m still roller-coastering, which is “normal” for me, but I really can’t tell whether the drug is affecting the ups and downs.

The highs and lows do seem to be higher and lower (respectively). I am dubious about this being a Good Thing. For several days I was so thoroughly depressed that I was ready to call Dr. R. and tell him I need to stop taking the drug. Then I leveled out to my usual place on the continuum – functioning, but not spectacularly well or consistently.

Now I think I’m starting to get manicky. One way I can tell is that I actually had fun, laughing and playing with my husband the other night and exulting in getting an old friend to walk straight into an awful joke. (Me: Have you heard the new Ebola joke going around. Him: No, what is it? Me: Eh, you probably won’t get it. Him: No, c’mon, try me. Me: That WAS the joke. Him (in evident pain): Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!)

But the real clue that the upswing may be swinging more than it should. I’m thinking about starting more blogs.

I already have two – this one and a general purpose blog called Et Cetera, etc. (janetcobur.wordpress.com, if you’re interested). For over six months I met my goal of posting something in both of them once a week.

Then the big low hit me. But I’m back on track now, after several weeks’ absence.

The thing is, I have ideas for two other blogs. I just don’t know if I could handle them.

One would be Cats, Etc. – stories and anecdotes about life with cats, cat care and health, and so forth. We have three cats right now (Louise, Garcia, and Dushenka), plus many former fur-family members, so there would be no shortage of material.

The other idea is Books, Etc. I’m an avid reader, and though the bipolar has sapped my concentration so much that it varies between 20 minutes to two hours at a time, I’m starting to see some progress. And I find myself wanting to write about what I’m reading – maybe book reviews, maybe lists or quotations, maybe even some lit crit (my original background).

But could I maintain them? And not have them drain off the limited energy that I should use to do the freelance work that pays the bills.

I think it is a sign that I’m still fairly well anchored that I haven’t rushed off and started them already. But the yearning to do more reading and writing keeps getting stronger. Maybe I could keep my current two at once a week, and do the others on alternate weeks. But that would still mean three blog posts per week, plus the freelance. Frankly, I don’t know if I could handle it. I keep asking myself, should I try? Or should I wait to see if my moods level out on the Abilify and it becomes clear whether they are Good or Bad Ideas, or even possible.

Words – both reading and writing them – have sustained me for most of my life. It was a sign of my most profound depression when I found myself unable to maintain enough focus to read. Now that I can again read and write to some extent, do I dare to push myself, push the boundaries? Can I? Should I?

Good thing I see my psychotherapist today.

Comments on: "Maybe Another Manic Monday" (4)

  1. Timiarah Camburn said:

    Good luck with the Abilify. I never really gave it a fair shake because the doctor who gave it to me was just horrible. Long story. She prescribed me a drug for bipolar disorder, but she didn’t feel as if my emotional turmoil was “serious” enough to qualify me for an FMLA leave. I didn’t feel as if she was educated enough to qualify for her mental health license. Grrr.

    I found that Seroquel gives me an “as good as I’m going to get” effect, lol. It does make me a little manic but I counter it with Klonopin when it happens (infrequently). Funny about the playfulness and joking. I get that way when I get on the manic side, too.

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  2. Abilify works great for me. Wouldn’t it be a better world if a drug that works for one person also works for another?

    I’m always impressed when I see people with multiple blogs. I have one and I post 3 times a week. More than that is just too hard for me.

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    • I’ve decided for now just to have the two blogs, where I try to post once per week (each). Cats, Etc. and Books, Etc. will be occasional features on Et Cetera, etc. for now. I just posted a new essay there which is kind of a departure from my usual posts. If you get a chance to look at it, let me know what you think. I value your opinion.

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  3. Hi, Timiarah. So glad you dropped in and commented. I think I’ve tried Seroquel, but I don’t really remember. There have been so many. It sounds like our experiences are similar, though I use Ativan instead of Klonopin. I just hate second-guessing all the time whether what I’m feeling is a “normal” high or low, or whether it’s pathology.

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